NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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