Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize