false alarm. still invincible.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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