So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
