the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
