Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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