I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
