Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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