i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
