Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
