I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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