ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
