Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
