great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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