Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
