Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
