Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
