I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
