every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
