does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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