The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
