just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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