i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
