All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
