it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize