It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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