My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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