why didn't you poke me back
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
