I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
