just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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