I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize