Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
