Ambien. No doubt about it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
