I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
