ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
