i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's like iHOP with fire
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
