dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
