I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
