I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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