My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
