There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
