Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
