you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
