there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
