i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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