At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
