all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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