Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
not ubering you a puppy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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