Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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