Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
