Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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