Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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