Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
