I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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