remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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