Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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