If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
