your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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