i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
