this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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