You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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