you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
