There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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