I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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