I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
