There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
