u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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