"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize