My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
