it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
