I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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