drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
