Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
