Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
