i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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