just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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