You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
