u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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