The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
