Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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