i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize