We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
