Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
