I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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