she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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