i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
