I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we're so committed to being not committed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
