Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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