Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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