3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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