Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
