remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
