So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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