i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
