At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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