A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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