Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
