I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
