Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
