I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the high leading the old right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
