i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
