Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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