My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize