I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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